15 days

I remember the very first moment that I thought I might actually be pregnant. I had NEVER taken a test before, in all the time we had been trying. However, when the Spirit tells you to do something over and over again for 2 days, you finally start to listen. I felt like I was doing something "illegal or wrong" at Walgreen's getting that test. I was all nervous and didn't want anyone knowing what I was doing...I hadn't even told Rooster what I was doing. (After all - 4 days before this I was bawling my eyes out because there was "proof" I wasn't pregnant.)

I came home, talked to him for a minute and then shut myself in the bathroom. I took a book with me to "keep my mind off" of what was going on. I did the deed and WAITED. I am pretty sure I waited way longer than the 2 or 3 minutes it calls for but I couldn't bring myself to look. I had it all planned out - it was a Tuesday and Father's Day was Sunday. If I was pregnant, I was going to wait and tell Rooster on that Sunday. But then, it was POSITIVE. WHAT??? Impossible....mother nature had proved that to me just a few days earlier.

I stared and stared. I looked at the test and then looked at the instructions, comparing the pictures. I promise you I did that for another 2 or 3 minutes. Then I calmly exited the bathroom, walked downstairs, got my husband and showed him, stating, "Do you think it's for real?" (So much for the big surprise....although this was pretty big in itself.) He looked back and forth a few times to and said, "Looks like it to me. I guess you should call the doctor." I said, "Well, my pre-op appointment is on Thursday so I guess I will go then." And then we had dinner.

We really didn't talk about it much after that. I think we were both shocked, hopeful, terrified it was wrong and plain just terrified. I don't think I could even pray about it at that point. I didn't really know how I felt. I went to the doctor that Thursday, peed on another stick and passed it through the secret door to my wonderful nurse. By the time I finished in the bathroom and walked around to her little office (like a whole 10 steps), she had her hands raised singing "Glory! Glory! Glory! Girlfriend you are PREGNANT!!! I just stood there. I might have smiled but I don't remember. I was definitely shocked and extremely thankful to be canceling the exploratory surgery that I was having the very next Thursday.

The one thing I remember saying is, "after so many nos, I don't know how to react to a yes". God is showing me that sometimes the best YES comes after a whole string of NOs.