A Word

I am sooo tired but I had to stay up a little later than normal, okay a lot later than my normal, to share the Word I got tonight. Our church is a host church for Beth Moore's Living Proof Live Simulcast this weekend. I personally have never (ghast) done a Beth Moore study but I did see her and Priscilla Shirer and Kay Arthur last year at Deeper Still. Beth's Praise Team leader, Travis Cottrell, goes to our church and his wife is a dear friend of mine...so I feel "connected". (Even though I'm not really.) Anywhooo...not why I chose to deprive myself of much needed sleep.

Today started off HORRIBLE!! I didn't sleep well last night and work was just awful...even though it was Friday, it felt like a Monday. By lunch time I knew something had to change so I snuck off to the park for lunch and decided I needed some God time. I knew that Beth was speaking from Psalm 37 tonight so I wanted to familiarize myself with the Psalm. So I read through it several times and then spent some time in prayer. I specifically asked God to reveal a Word to me tonight that I could carry with me and boy did He ever.

Hang with me because it might get a bit wordy but this is some darn good stuff.

The main verse she was speaking from was Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I read that passage quite a few times during our struggle to get pregnant. It was one that often gave me hope because I knew that He wanted to fulfill the desire that He had placed on my heart. Well, Beth put it in a way tonight that knocked my socks off. (I will go ahead and admit that I am very thankful I heard this message tonight and not 14 weeks ago. I don't know that I would have been quite so open to it at that time.)

One of her key points was this: Beneath the desires of our heart is the heart of our desires. Let me define a hearts desire as she did: a sustained longing that is unaffected by mood or surroundings. Well, that definitely described us wanting children.

She went on to say sometimes God will "trump" providing our desires of our heart with the heart of our desires when destiny or glory is at stake. Hmmmmmm...that got me to thinking. She said, "If you have been praying and waiting and laying out your desires for God and he hasn't provided them than SOMETHING IS UP!!!" Hmmmmmmm. That summed up about 1 1/2 years of our life.

Let me just tell ya folks...God was definitely up to SOMETHING in our life over the last two years. He has changed both Rooster and I in ways that I can't even begin to explain to you. We have grown closer to Him, closer to each other and stronger as individuals.

Beth talked about the difference between a craving and a desire. She said a craving is what you can be overwhelmed by but there is an underlying "message" under that craving. Well, I remember when we first decided we were "ready". The thoughts of a family and getting pregnant consumed me. Six months later when we still weren't pregnant, I knew something had to change with in me. I remember finally saying, "Okay Jen, God has a plan here and you are just going to TRUST in Him to provide. You are going to take advantage of EVERY day that you have with your husband and cherish this time because when you do get pregnant, it will never be just the two of you again." I also decided that I only wanted what God wanted us to have and nothing more. That was no easy conclusion to come to but I had the most overwhelming sense of peace. I think what I'm getting at is this: I finally realized the heart of my desire and oh how freeing it was.

As Beth wrapped up her message and Travis started to lead worship again, all I could do was stand there, arms stretched to the Heavenlies and let the tears just roll down my cheeks. I was so overcome with God's mercy and goodness that I couldn't stand it. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we endured that season of our life so that we could bring Glory to His name in this new season. I can honestly say (and actually said it and believed it before we got pregnant) that I would NOT trade the last two years of my life for anything. Of the 5 years Rooster and I have been married, those were the best. But more importantly, I KNOW that God is going to use us as a testimony of His goodness and love to other couples that are struggling. I will be able to lend a sympathetic ear or a shoulder to cry on to someone who doesn't feel anyone understands or gets it. I'll be there for the woman who doesn't know if she can go another day with the overwhelming sense of emptiness in her arms. And I will be able to share, that even in those darkest hours, God is there working things out for His glory. He never leaves us or foresakes us. What an awesome way to end a day that started out so bad. GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME.